Written by Anyone who works in the service industry realizes very quickly (at least I hope so) that interactions with females are entirely different than interactions with males. Despite being one, females intimidate me. There. I said it. I’m naturally more comfortable working with males, probably because I grew up with two brothers. Before becoming a trainer/coach I really didn’t have much interaction with other females and never really learned how to communicate to my ladies-in-arms.
The boys and me.
Thankfully, being a coach has taught me how to communicate with both sexes effectively (and I’m still learning every day) and I thought I would share what I’ve learned thus far. My thoughts are specifically related to coaching/training but I feel that most of these are universal truths that can be applied in any situation. *Disclaimer* These are generalities and obviously don’t apply to every person, but I’ve found work most of the time.
Women: Corrections are often better received in the form of a conversation. For example, here is an actual conversation I’ve had with an athlete, obviously, not her real name:
Thank you Elle for an excellent analogy for deadlifting!
Me: Hey Jessica, that was a pretty good deadlift. What I want you to do next time is push you butt back a little more. Have you ever seen Legally Blonde?
Jessica: Yeah, I loved that movie!
Me: It was cute wasn’t it? Anyway, remember the “Bend and snap” move she does in the movie?
Jessica: *giggles* yeah.
Me: Ok, I want you to do that when you set up for you deadlift. I want you to bend (I push my hips back) and snap (I stand up, mimicking deadlifting)
Jessica: Ooohhh. Got it!
No exaggeration there. And her next deadlift? Spot on.
Men: Corrections need to be direct, as precise as possible and with a visual demonstration. In contrast, here’s what I would say to a male athelete:
Me: Mike, shove your hips back and hump the bar on your way up. (demoing proper deadlift hip hinging as I say this)
Mike: *nods*
Done. Next deadlift is exactly what I’m looking for. Most guys get bogged down with too many words that aren’t related to the instructions. Conversation isn’t necessary; I’ve found that teenage boys tend to tune me out if I do that.
Women- Trust you as a coach after they’ve gotten to know you as a person. When I first started working with Buttkamp (women’s only class) it wasn’t until after they liked me as a person that I could coach them more effectively. I had to demonstrate that I’m interested in them (which I am) and that I care about how they feel during the workouts (physically). With any woman I train I always ask a lot of personal (not intimately personal, but you know, asking about them, their kids etc) questions, ask if they “feel” the exercise and where they feel it and how-about-we-go-up-5-pounds-next-set.
Men- Trust you after you demonstrate you know what you’re talking about. Complete 180 from women. I have to coach a male and prove that I know what I’m talking about (it can take one set or one month depending on the guy) then they trust me as a coach. Also, in order to build a relationship with them, it’s based less on emotions and feelings and more about jokes, sarcasm and goofiness (which is probably why my poop and fart jokes go over really well).
Even dads in galaxies far, far away...
Women- Will work hard but tend to underestimate their strength. I’ve found that I need to push women to go up in weight more often than not. I don’t think it’s lack of a desire to work hard (a lot of our female put most of the general male population to shame), I think they just tend to be less confident in their strength. I found that with encouraging weight increases, it’s also important to ensure those increases are doable to help build confidence.
Men- Will work hard but tend to overestimate their strength. Most males (not all, most) tend to jump the weight up too fast and we’re continually having to temper their desires back to safety (and reality).
Umm, let's take a few plates off?
The trick is to decrease the load enough to allow for good form yet still make them feel like they’re working hard. That, my friends, is a finely tuned skill.
Whether you’re working in a gym or in an office, communicating with men and women differ and in order to be effective, one needs to learn how to communicate with both. I’m glad I have a job that forces me to interact with both sexes. I still make blunders, gaffes and faux pas, but thankfully I can always just tell someone to crack a walnut (and they usually crack a smile too).
Kelsey, I would have to say everything here is spot on! When dealing with my female athletes it is almost.. *note almost*.. as important to make sure they know you care about them as a person (which we do) as it is to teaching them correct form. Also I would say women need more details in the instructions for some reason. Finally… I have also learned if you say it with confidence “most” of them will believe it. As a coach this can go along way especially when I work with my male athletes. They don’t tend to “question” me as much when I tell them with confidence how to do something… just my 2 cents from VTS&C… stay strong
Totally agree! Thank you so much for sharing your tips too! Confidence is a money maker when it comes to dealing with athletes. Yep, women always need more details. Sometimes, they actually do better with MORE cuing than I would ordinarily deliver. Make strong Megan!
Hey Kelsey!!!!
I can’t agree with you more on all that you have covered about coaching diffrencies in gender. Your article will definitley help me in my shaping of becoming a better strength coach. I will start applying these tips during my interning hours to see the differences in response of the male/female student athlete. Miss the SAPT crew much, your lessons and and sessions have already helped me as an athlete, coach, friend, and mentor. Thank you for it all.
Hi Obaid!
Thanks for reading! How are you doing? We miss you around here too! Best of luck with your intern experience! You’re super friendly so I don’t think you’ll have a problem implementing these techniques!